Coming Out To Parents

Hi Miss Rachel...........

All of my friends had girlfriends and kept on at me to find one myself, but I never looked at girls like that. I always had a crush on my sports teacher who was so hot. He was just perfect. I knew from that moment on that I was gay, and I must admit I was petrified and thought that I wasn’t normal.

Over the last years I have kept it from my family because mainly I do not want to hurt their feelings. I am thinking of their happiness and not my own, I know that one day I will have to change.

How can I come out to my family???

Jimmy x

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Hi Jimmy..........

You just need to take time with this and do it in your own time. Don't be pressurised by your mates or by stories you read on the internet or in newspapers. I am sure that your family will be fine as I am sure that they love you, however, if you do feel strong enough to tell them and it doesn't go well you can call us at the THT and ask for one of the GYGL workers to call you back with further advice and where to go next. There are lots of serivces that can help you will any fall back on this.

Miss Rach

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Hi Miss Rachel.......

On a normal day at work my mum came into see me. She told me my brother was moving out to live with his girlfriend. I knew then that I was free to tell my family about me. It sounds funny I know, but that was the first time I felt free in a long time. I always looked up to my brother, but in some ways I was scared of him and frightened at how he would react.

The first person I told was my supervisor who was a good friend as well. She was brilliant and told me not to be ashamed of what you are and to live life to the full. She also said that she thought it would be for the best to tell my family as soon as possible.
That night I went out with my brother to play some snooker and I knew then that I couldn’t tell him first. It would have to be my mum and dad.

Tuesday night came and I was shaking all over, but I made sure that I could stay with friends if it all went wrong. 11.00pm came and I was thinking that they were late. By 11.20pm mum and dad came in- the first thing I did was to get a glass of water. My mouth was dry and I could hardly speak.

I told them to take a seat in the kitchen because I had to tell them something important about me. My mum, at first, wouldn’t sit down but I said it would be for the best if she did.
The first thing that I said was that I wanted their support and understanding for what I was about to tell them. They agreed that I would always have their support in any part of my life. I looked at them and said that over the past ten years or so I knew I was gay and that I found it very difficult to live my life a lie just to please my family and the people around me. My dad put his arm around me and said that he understood and that he will always be there for me and would never let anyone get me down again. But he also said that mum and me should talk alone, so he went into the front room to watch TV. At first I thought this was a bit strange because he always sat by mum, but then mum said she would prefer us to talk alone.

She was very upset and concerned and thought that maybe I was bisexual and just didn’t have any luck with girls. I said No, I was gay and from now on would live my life as a gay man. My mum said she understood, but what was I going to tell my brothers and sister?
I said I would tell them all within the week. Then my mum started crying. I gave her a hug and said that everything would be fine from now on and not to worry. She smiled and went to bed.
By the end of the week my brothers and sister knew. My sister and brother were great support. My elder brother in all honesty was a complete bastard. I remember thinking that two out of three ain’t bad.

It all has been worth it. I am much happier and have the support of my family and friends around me. There have been difficulties along the way but tell me someone who doesn’t go through difficulties sometime in their lives…

My motto for life is be free, be happy, be who you are. And most of all don’t be afraid to tell someone. You’ll be surprised at how many things have changed over the years. It’s always hard but things do look brighter around you once you are out and proud.

Jimmy x